I've had a lot of fights with my sister as of late, nothing new, I know, but some of them have had to do with me "being selfish". At first, I thought, "That was awfully selfish of her to accuse me of being selfish. Just because I wasn't thinking of HER, that makes ME selfish." And that used to be the case, back when I had other people to consume my thoughts and attention, and not just her. But now that I have no one to hang out with and I'm stuck with just my family's ugly mugs, I have been thinking primarily of me. Which is the basis of people getting upset with me. It's survival of the "fittest" in this family. We are a very impatient, short-tempered people who expects everyone else in the family to do for us whatever we ask them to, and when that doesn't happen, we get angry very quickly.
I've been doing a lot of thinking in the slow-passing time here and I've realized that what you put into your relationships is what you will get out of them. So I'm going to try to be more charitable towards the family members. It won't be reciprocated for a while, if it ever does, but it will surely help me be happier...hopefully.
I've gotten too used to people depending on my presence for their day to be complete. Now that that's not the case here, I'm floundering and wondering why nobody cares to see me. Maybe, if I make them love me, then I can gain that status back.
Worth a try, no?
Maybe I can talk to Jerica [fat chance] and get her to see my side of the story too...
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't ever suppose to let you down, probably will. You will have your heartbroken probably more than once and it's harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing by too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful.
I went to make toast tonight
when much to my surprise,
the bread I adored with delight
had suffered it's demise.
I beheld the empty bag
with all it's contents strewn about.
(something that goes and rhymes with bag)
and so I began to pout.
I assumed it was my family
Who had enjoyed it with their Sunday meal,
OKay, I'm sick of this iambic pentameter business, I'll tell it to you straight.
So I confronted my mother on the matter and she said that they hadn't eaten it with dinner but she found the last two pieces of my precious bread all crusty-crust and hard in the toaster. Someone had carelessly left it there TO DIE!! So she threw it out to the cats. Rip my heart out.
So I got all sad and put on a pouty face and, with a dramatic-crying voice, I said "That was the only thing I had left from Boise!" as I stormed out of the room. I put other bread in the toaster and got my raspberry jam out of the fridge and realized, "Hey! I still have this from GH*!! (nearly**) happy day!!!"
The other bread was really good, but still has nothing on GH.
*Great Harvest
**i still felt cheated out of my bread.
Because you are. operationbeautiful.com is a movement. "Be the change you want to see in the world." -Ghandi.
Carry post-it notes with you everywhere you go. Leave positive comments on them and leave them in public places. Remind people--women--that they are beautiful and that they are enough, just the way they are. Help brighten someone's day.
It's magic! I've always loved playing in this program, I even took a graphic design class where I learned how to use Photoshop. I have since then forgotten pretty much everything about the program, even though I own it. I was talking to my friend, Tanner last night and he showed me a neat little technique that I don't think I will get bored of very quickly. It's a layer overlay, and here's what it looks like:
(ha! duty...) I've realized that since I got my other blog I've kind of been neglecting this one. I don't want to turn into the Laura Jordan's of the world and not post for months and months, (love you Lar!) So here is the update.
Since I last posted, I've moved home to the po-dunkocity of Juniper, Idaho. (Not Alaska.) Since then, I've done...wait for it...NOTHING! The highlight of my week was a boy's basketball game at my old alma mater. They lost. Shocking. I did get to see a lot of my little homies though, so that was totally worth it. Also, I thought Braun Baker graduated like 2 years ago. He's still kickin' it at ol' Declo High School. Weird.
I did get some things accomplished today. I got all my crap together and into
storage. Well, almost all of it. And by storage I mean the trailer house next door that used to be occupied by the Mexicans that used to work for us.
After that, I got all gussied up because I was going to go into Malta and visit a few of my former teachers. That didn't happen, so I took pictures instead. Enjoy!!
I'm deeply saddened. I don't want to move home. I don't want to wait for the impending doom to finally make it's way to me. Can I just get it over with already? Put this next week and a half on fast forward, only slow down for Sundays, and then just put me out of my misery? I'm tired of waiting. Just shoot me in the foot already.
The following is a note that my really good friend, Jillian Durrant, posted on Facebook. I liked it so much that I just had to share it with the 3 of you who read my blog. Enjoy!
I have so much to be grateful for. Granted, things in my life aren't perfect but the good definitely outweighs the bad. I was looking at the quote, "Whenever I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story." And when I really got thinking about it, that quote could not be more perfect. It seems like something simple and amusing, but what if every time I tasted that bit of depression, I decided to focus on the awesome? What if, instead of dwelling on those things that aren't perfect about me or my life, I decided to dwell on the things are? I know: Nobody is perfect. But I have some perfect things in my life. Friends. My goodness. Just the last few days I have really realized how wonderful my true friends are. They aren't afraid to tell me truth. They know that what they have to say might not make me happy, but they choose to say it because they know it will help me grow. "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return." How beautiful is that? The Lord sends us the people he knows we need at certain times. The ones that, without really trying, help us grow. They help us become the people we really want and need to be. Not every experience is positive. But, just think for a minute: How different would you be if you had never had a broken heart? Never lost a friend? Always got everything you ever wanted and never really had to work? I know for a fact that I would never have grown up. I never would have matured. I would have been stuck being exactly the same my whole life. Bernard M. Baruch said, "The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them." My mom and I made resolutions this year not to make any new year's resolutions. But I've decided to change that. I am going to be more positive; see every challenge and trial as an opportunity - become the person I want and need to be. This all hit me last night. Even if the party hosted by the Debachelorization Initiative didn't lead us all to our eternal companions like I hoped it might, I learned a lot. While writing this, I glanced at a paper sitting next to my mouse and saw the following quote from President Monson: Our goal is to achieve, to excel, to strive for perfection. Remember, however, that our business in life is not to get ahead of others but to get ahead of ourselves. To break our own record, to outstrip our yesterdays by today, to bear our trials more beautifully than we ever dreamed we could, to give as we never have given, to do our work with more force and a finer finish than ever - this is the true objective. And to accomplish this task, our attitude is reflected in a determination to make the most of our opportunities. Coincidence that I noticed this quote sitting here? Probably not. Life is good. And there is always something positive to think about, even when everything else is trying to tell you otherwise. So here's a shout out to those friends of mine who have helped me out in life. Even those I don't talk to anymore. Even those who now don't like me. This is for you. Because of you, I have grown. Because of you, I am the person I am today. And I couldn't be happier about that. I'm done with the drama. From now on, straightforward honesty - no drama at all. Life will be much easier!
I've been looking at my stats for my blog recently and since I started my blog in October 2009, I've had 341 veiws. So, I got curious and found out the traffic sources to my blog. Some were from Facebook, which is not surprising since I have a link from my FB page. Some were from friend's blogs, and some were from random places on the web. Like Russia in particular. I'm flattered. I thought that was pretty neat that I have Russians looking at my blog, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thanks Russia!!!
First of all, let me explain why I was in Arkansas. Because I wanted to be. Andrew was talking about it one day, and I'd wanted to meet his family since I met him. I've never been down south, I didn't have anything else to do, so I asked if I could tag along, of course helping him with gas was a plus. So there you have it. Here you go!!
Adventures I've been on whilst being in Arkansas!
Gentry's Drive-thru Safari Zoo:
There's a little town in NWA that is home to the Little Debbie store, McKee Food Plant, and the drive-thru Safari. This little Safari is home to all types of animals, from zebras and emus to bison and water buffalo. Most of the animals here are those that you would see on an African Safari. There are monkeys and apes, peacocks, prairie dogs, hippos, bears, wolves, lions, leopards, gazelles, and even kangaroos. Which are a lot softer than you would think. We spent a good amount of our time mocking camels and llamas. We didn't get spit on once...I mean...uh, we didn't have our windows down at all...we were being good kids like we were told....it was pretty neat and I highly recommend it to anyone who may be passing through the neat county of Benton, Arkansas.
Zebras are so soft!!
Wal-Mart:
Bentonville is the birthplace of Wal-Mart. Of course we're gonna go there! At night because it's a lot more fun. While I didn't get to go inside the very first Wal-Mart because they were doing renovations, I did get to see it. It was cute and old timey just sitting on the square. But if you've seen one Wal-Mart, you've seen them all, right? I did get to play the Kinect there, that was pretty fun. I lost the race of course, but I'll get better...if only we were an xbox family...*sigh* Anywho, I got to see Andrew in action doing his Wal-Mart shenanigans and even got video of it.
Found a pig head in the freezer. Gross.
That's Andrew with his brother Kevin and their friend Taylor. Hooligans.
Natural beauty of Arkansas:
We went on a few nature walks. The one pictured is at night, of course, because when do we do anything else? It was a lot of fun just walking around on the trails and exploring things like little wind caves, waterfalls, and maybe even a dam. There was a suspension bridge that they call Retard Bridge. They had me run across it while they jumped up and down on the other end. If you can imagine how that went, then you would be able to see why it's called Retard Bridge. You run like Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. It was a lot of fun though.
This is how water falls at night.
Andrew's sweet face.
Kevin's butt.
Mandy picking wildflowers.
We went on other walks through out the time spent there that were pretty neat. The trails that run around Bentonville connect to neighboring towns like Bella Vista and will eventually connect with Fayetteville, which is a good 45 minute drive from Bentonville. Along those trails there are things like Slaughter Pen Hollow (bike trails) and Crystal Bridges, which is a museum that they are building. (Take a look at the website, it's pretty cool.) It's going to be one of the biggest art museums with huge amounts of money put into the art itself. It will be finished 11-11-11. I'm totally going to it as soon as I can!
Other things we did:
Ice Skating. First time ever. I only fell once.
IHOP in the middle of the night. Is there any other way?
Fayetteville is home of the best burger place I've ever been to. Hugo's. I got a t-shirt. We also went "clubbing". Willy D's. It's this dueling piano bar/club. It was deizzz.
FHE/Single's Branch. Lame.
Christmas was pretty awesome. Santa (aka, Andrew's mom) brought me a quesadilla maker and movie coupons. The quesadilla maker does AMAZING things with pancakes.
New Years was pretty fun too. I went to Tulsa with a few new friends. Andrew was not a part of the group because he went to a friend's party looking to get some. He didn't get anything.
Red Robin yummmm! for our birthdays. It's so much better here, in Boise. And we have campfire sauce here. What do they have? Nothing but weird male servers who treat the restaurant as their own personal residence. Creeps.
