Tired thoughts

I currently work the night shift at an assisted living facility. For the most part the residents are pretty self-sufficient. Some of them need help going to the bathroom and getting dressed but they are pretty good other than that. But sometimes after we help them get ready for the day and leave the room, they go to the bathroom to comb their hair and fix their faces, and then sometimes they get dizzy. And sometimes they fall and they hit their heads. Sometimes after that fall, things just get worse, rapidly. Like they complain of excruciating back pain. Pain so bad that OTC pain relievers will not do anything so they are prescribed a much more supposedly effective narcotic pain reliever in a small dose, and it doesn't do anything either, so we up the dose, and still nothing. So they get sent to the hospital to see what is going on and when they come back, they're kind of responsive for a few hours and then they slip in to a comatose state for a few days. Sometimes you do all you can to make that resident as comfortable as possible while knowing that they probably don't have much time left. Sometimes you know that her state was really hard on her family and that she most likely isn't going to get any better so you just pray that she goes soon so she can be in peace. And sometimes your prayers are answered and when the next shift comes in and you two go to change the resident, you find her not breathing. You check her vitals, and sure enough, she's gone.

This was the first time I've ever been around someone who has recently passed away, especially one who I cared so much about and worked so hard to serve. All morning I could not help but think of how everyone was going on about their day and they had no idea that someone so loved had passed away. How in just a matter of a couple weeks she went from being fine, to becoming fully dependent and then completely unresponsive. And how someone so kind and gentle had lost their mother, whom they loved so dearly.

I wasn't having a hard time, by any means, it was just strange to me how the world didn't stop at the passing such a wonderful lady. As weathered and aged as she was, she was still the sweetest thing and I enjoyed helping her and seeing her beautiful smile every day.

As strange as it is, I felt kind of proud to be the one that found her like that. It was really cool to see what happens to the human body when it expires. While the spiritual and emotional sides of me were sad at her passing, the curious side of me and the side of me that starves to learn more about life and death was really intrigued and actually sort of satisfied. Life. It's just amazing.

3/10/2014

All I want is to be negative. I work with a bunch of girls and most of them don't get along. They also feel it's their own personal duty to make sure you're doing your job correctly. It's a touchy subject. Everyone is so sensitive about it. So I'm going to try and be positive.

 There isn't a lot to do at work tonight. Just made some rolls. There wasn't quite enough but...hopefully that's okay. I'm trying Ben and Jerry's mint chocolate cookie ice cream. Its pretty friggen delicious. I'm on top of laundry and the dishes are drying.

Jared is working tonight so I have someone to talk to, when he's not busy.

I guess this post is kind of like whatever but I had some pent up frustration and I just had to write to get some thoughts out of my head.
Hopefully your day is going well! I wish you all the best.

Gütentag!